A view from my side.
Ex#3 has decided that Morgan needs counseling. Morgan, Kid#4, is 4.5 years old. She’s “sad” when it is time to leave her mother’s to come to Daddy’s for a few hours. Now, when she gets here, she has a great time, she has a lot of fun, we play, watch some tv, run errands, go to the park, get out some of her toys, etc. She’s happy, energetic, smiling and playful. Conclusion here: while it may make her “sad” to leave her mother for a few hours, she has fun while she’s here. It is a normal reaction in situations such as this. I have lived it in the past, talked about it with friends and read about it in books and magazines.
I reminded Ex#3 that my boys expressed similar concerns when they were under 10 about going to visit their mother (Ex#2) on her weekends. (Ex#3 and I discussed it at length a few times before we got married. She even remarked at the time that it would be normal for a child to say things like that and that it was, of course, the right thing to do to “make” the boys go, yada, yada, yada.) Ex#3 got very defensive at this point in the conversation, saying that Morgan is not the boys, that this is different, that this is more to it, etc. I smiled and said, “Ok, if you think so,” and that made her even madder. Her response was something akin to “Don’t smirk at me…” The conversation deteriorated a bit from there, I changed the subject to something non Morgan related and peace was restored.
Ah…but now the shoe is on the proverbial other foot and she’s all concerned that Morgan is expressing being “sad” about going to Daddy’s. She’s arranged for Morgan to have counseling. Morgan is to have three sessions with the counselor, then the counselor will want to talk to me. I’ve been informed of this, of course. And, of course, I’ll be more than happy to go, talk to the counselor and see what she has to say. Morgan has some other issues going on as well…her epilepsy and a recent ADHD diagnosis (yes, at 4.5 years old. There is a whole other post I could make about that)…and I am not at all opposed to her seeing a counselor so we can get some insight into things. But to lay this on her being “sad” about going to Daddy’s…well, you get the idea
Ex#3 has a tendency to be overly dramatic. Her parents talked to me about it at length after she and I married. It was funny listening to some of their stories. After one of Ex#3’s scenes, they told me they would often applaud and remark, “And the Oscar goes to…” I’ve seen her drama countless times. Anything she can latch onto to create drama, she does. And she does her best to suck everyone around her into it so they can experience her anguish, pain, and ultimate triumph over whatever it was. Saint M, yes indeed.
Things that the average person would shrug off, she will literally fall to her knees and scream about. A scratch on a dresser sent her into a emotional crying fit that resulted in changing the furniture in a room and my having to go out to buy a another dresser to use in place of the one that got scratched. She had even been warned that using that furniture in that room might result in it being scratched. Whew…long story that one, perhaps another post all in itself. Life with her was full of such episodes.
So, the next episode has been scripted. Morgan needs counseling because she, like most kids her age in divorced families, is expressing sadness about leaving mommy to go to Daddy’s. This will play out in public. Ex#3 will talk about it to friends, colleagues and anyone else who will listen. And since we still work at the same place, and since I do NOT talk about her to our colleagues, they have a warped perception of reality. Ex#3’s perception. Laden with drama and edited through her eyes only.
This alone will give her enough drama to last months. Add to that the fact that a new soccer season is upon us and we have 5 months worth of blame to be cast my way. There is much more to this story and future posts will deal with how Ex#3 has decided Kid#4 is ADHD and now on meds for that as well. Watching Morgan grow up in Ex#3’s household, I’m reminded the song “Mother”, from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.”
Hush now baby, baby don’t you cry
Mama’s gonna make all of your
Nightmares come true
Mama’s gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama’s gonna keep you right here
Under her wing
she won’t let you fly but she might let you sing
Unfortunately, my experiences with Ex#3’s drama are not over. I have years more to come, forever linked by Morgan. Oh, the horror, the horror. I just hope Morgan can come out unscathed.